how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
