she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
