You're my little dorito
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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