SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
