I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
