i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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