The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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