between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
