Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
