he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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