I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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