If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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