I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
