Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
