I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
