Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
