Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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