oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize