I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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