Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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