I CAN MOONWALK!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
