the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
