im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
