i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
