I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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