well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
