Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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