from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
