then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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