We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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