Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
