I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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