If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ketchup is God's man juice
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
