Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So here I am, sexting at work.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
