he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
