I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
