did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
