I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
