You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
