non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
