You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
