when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
