Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize