He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
