Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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