you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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