woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
