my mouth tastes like poor choices
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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