I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
