Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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