Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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