There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
