that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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