three words: i give head
three words: not that well
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
