No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize