omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
