Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my poor anus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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