Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize