I can text with my tongue
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Boobs speak an international language.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
