Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
