but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
