I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
