i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
