I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
