god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
