..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
