I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
