I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
