i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
