yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
