Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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