and she was petting her beer can
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
