I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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