I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
