I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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