There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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