Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
