Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
