Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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